Fall Seven Times, Stand Up Eight

Here’s a little personal insight into my life:  I’m a klutz.

Yes, it’s true. If there’s any possible way that I can injure myself, I do it.  It’s that simple.

What does that have to do with this blog?

Recently, I recommitted to the 2011 goals I set for myself.  I am determined to succeed at not only my debt journey, but also the personal goals I outlined in January.

One of my longstanding goals was to lose weight and take better care of myself, and I had been doing okay up until the spring of this year when work and graduate school overtook me.

I should pause here for a minute and point out that my weight loss goal is about 20 pounds, total.  Of that I have already lost several.  I’m not obese or even close to it.  However, my weight in recent years has been a constant stressor for me because I know I am not at the weight where I look and feel my best.  I do realize that there are many, many people out there who are fighting battles much larger than mine. I am not trying to make it seem that I am facing an insurmountable goal, but it has been a long standing battle for me. ..one that I’m still fighting.

In March, I began to regain some of the weight I had lost and I was bummed about it.  I finally realized that my (almost!) 36 year old body can’t take the constant ups and downs I put it through, even if those fluctuations are only a few pounds in either direction. Also, I realized a 36 year old body doesn’t have the metabolism of a 20 year old’s, and diet was no longer enough to help me on my journey. So I decided to begin running.

Now, my job is one that requires some heavy lifting, so I have to say I’m fairly strong.  I thought running would be tough, but doable.  I had no idea what I was in for.

The first day I went out, I walked about a quarter mile to stretch and warm up and then broke into an easy trot.  Simple, right?

I made it about forty steps before I had to stop.  I was panting so hard I thought I would vomit.

WOW.  I seriously underestimated how out of shape I was.  Strong?  Yes.  Fit?  Absolutely not.

This went on for two miles – run a short distance, then walk to catch my breath, run, etc.  Lather. Rinse. Repeat. 

The next day I was so sore I wanted to cry, but I persisted and went again. And for the next three weeks, I went at least three times a week.  Until one day in late May when it all came crashing down- literally.  I was running on a quiet country road when I stumbled and felt a sharp pain in my knee.

I limped home, got ice and elevated my knee. The swelling came on quickly and by the next day my knee was twice its normal size.  I limped in to work and suffered silently.  I muddled through it for about three days until I finally couldn’t stand the pain any more.  What I thought was a pulled muscle or ligament was not getting better.

I made an appointment with an orthopedist who told me I tore my meniscus.  If you have never done this, pray that you never do…it’s brutal.

The ortho pointed out several treatment options, but leaned heavily on arthroscopic surgery to repair the tear.  Immediately terrified, I told her I would need some time to think about and that I would adopt a “wait and see” plan.

For three weeks, I stopped exercising, faithfully iced and heated my knee, kept it elevated at night, and took ibuprofen. Slowly but surely, my knee began to feel better.  Surgery?  Who needs surgery?  Some minor meniscus injuries heal themselves and mine seemed to be doing just that.

Once my knee was back to normal, I got back on the road again.  And of course since I hadn’t run in three weeks I had lost any progress I made.  Back to square one.  Starting over.  Down but not out.

Since then, I have been running faithfully at least four to five times a week.  And it’s become glaringly obvious to me that my knee is NOT healed.  Every time my right foots hits the ground I get a shooting pain in that knee.

Doggedly, I get out there, warm up and run.  Sometimes I can only make it half a mile before I have to stop.  Sometimes, like last night, I run okay – making it almost a mile before I had to take a rest and walk for a bit.

Two and half miles on a peaceful country road.  I’m finally getting in shape, the pounds are coming off, and I can make it a lot further without fighting for air.  It’s working!  I’m finally getting fit.

I wish I could say I enjoy it.  I will say it’s a beautiful run and I feel like my body is responding to exercise well.  Even though I sweat and gasp for air and say “Thank God it’s done!” when I’m finished.

Where does this leave me?  I need to make a decision.  I need new running shoes, which might alleviate some if not all of the intense pain I’m experiencing.  However, new running shoes just aren’t in the budget right now.

I also might need to make some changes to my schedule and alternate running days with walking days to try to heal my knee back up.  I hate to do it, because I will lose some of the ground I’ve gained.  But I really, really want to avoid knee surgery. 

I’m in a bit of a dilemma, you see.  And I don’t know what to do.

And that brings me full circle to this blog.  Why I am telling you all this?  Because I can’t afford to buy new running shoes right now.  Because I am determined to meet the goals I set forth in January.  And most importantly, because, like running, this debt reduction journey I am on doesn’t come easily to me. I’ve tried before, and failed. There are going to be some times when I fall.  It’s what happens after the fall that matters.

I’m a klutz.  I’ll stumble while running and lose the momentum I had, and I’ll stumble and lose ground on my debt journey.  But I’ll get back up.